In this third part series of five, we will take a look at the issues pertaining to children during their Primary School years.
Boon or bane, the education system in Singapore is very efficient, systematic and intense. So love it or hate, if you are a parent, one of the issues that is surely to hit you is - how will my children do in school?
However, since my theme is to form a close bond between parent and child, I will instead concentrate on forming parent-child bond, rather than how to get your child to perform well in school. So here it is.
Get to know their friends -
Yes, get to to their friends, including their names. Better still if you know their friends' parents. This should not be a problem. Schools have Parents' Support Groups. You can join these groups and from there, get to know other parents.
The importance of getting to know their friends is long term. This is just a start. We will discuss more of this in Part 4 and 5. As for now, getting to know their friends is nothing more than symbolic. At this stage, it seems trivial. But this opens the door to get a foothold such that in later years, when you get to know your children's friends, they won't object that as you are interfering into their personal space. You have already established that knowing their friends as the norm.
Get to know their teachers -
Your Primary school child spends half a day, 5 times a week in school. That's a lot of time. The teacher has about 40 children in her class. If you don't get to know the teacher, she won't get to know you.
Teachers are important to parents. Their are the bridge between them and their child, as far as school activities are concerned. I have come across parents who know next to nothing what their child does in school. That is a reflection of the parents' aloofness.
If you get to know your child's teacher, she will alert you immediately if she feels that there is something that needs to be addressed. It must be remembered that teachers are humans too. If she does not know you well, she may be less likely to alert you. So which do you prefer? A teacher who alerts you or a teacher who doesn't?
Never rundown the school authority -
Some parents put down their child's teachers - in front of their child! This is a mistake. If you do that, they will not respect school authority. Then when they are caught breaking school rules, it makes it so much difficult for the school to discipline your child. This opens the door for more unacceptable social behaviour to creep in, when they go to secondary school.
If you have to disagree with the school teacher or principal, do it behind your children's back.
Get to know what they learn -
Primary school syllabus is not that difficult. If possible, put in effort to learn what they learn in school. Guide them in their studies if you can. Of course that is not possible in all cases. However, if you can guide them, it again serves as a bond between parent and child.
If you remember Part 2, it is advised that you teach your child to read early. From here it can be seen that learning and teaching between parent and child has blossomed into shared experience. By the time your child is in Primary school, unconsciously, she has accepted that learning from the parent is a natural thing to do. This makes things so much easier when you teach non-academic lessons in life - like who your child should mix with and who she should not.
Sex Education -
Parents, do you know that by Primary 5, your child would have learned about the human reproductive system in school? If you have been teaching your child all along, this is an excellent opportunity to teach them about the morals as well. Of course, you don't have to wait till they are in Primary 5. Some parents start even earlier.
Like it or not, if you don't teach them about sex, they will learn about it from other sources. Hence, parents should teach their children about sex - both the biological and moral aspects.
At this point, it is good to highlight the point I stated about teaching your child early. If you had taught your child since she was a baby, and continue to teach her in primary school, she would simply accept what you teach her about morals pertaining to sex. Excellent chance for parents who insist teaching moral values, pertaining to sex education!
By secondary school, these morals you have taught them over the years would have been entrenched in them, no outsider would be able to shake it from them.
The Internet -
Sadly, this is one area it is the children who usually are in a position to teach parents. Like it or not, we all have to move with the times. If you are not computer and/or internet savvy, you won't be able to keep abreast what your children are doing behind your backs. Hence, you need to keep up.
If possible, set up accounts like Facebook or other social connections and link up with your children. Again, this is to gain a foothold. If all along you are their friend in these social network, by secondary school, your presence in their social circle would be accepted by them. Of course, this does not mean that you can interfere with their personal and private lives when they grow older.
Meal time is also family bonding time -
Like in Part 2, I have to stress this again. Meal time is also family bonding time. By now, it is the norm that the family eats together. It has become entrenched such that the children see it as a duty to eat as a family. Again, at this stage, this is just symbolic. The real benefit of this meal time bond comes during the teen years, which you will see in Part 4.
Holiday time is also family bonding time -
Again, as stressed in Part 2, this is a good family bonding time.
Husband-Wife Disputes -
By now you will realise that certain issues that have been adhered to since the child was a baby is being repeated. Parenting is long term, so naturally these "rules" are also long term.
While parent-parent dispute may be traumatic to a pre-schooler, to a Primary school child, it may confuse her. So on one hand, parents are the authority and command respect. Yet, on the other hand, these figures of authority cannot agree what is right or wrong.
Again, keeping disputes away from children is easier said than done. However, it must be remembered that too many disputes too often would cause cracks in the family bond. When the child is confused, she would begin to seek outside help. This is where the problem starts. Hence, parents should try their best to keep their differences away from their children.
Never use money as a weapon -
It does get repetitive, doesn't it? But like I said, parenting is long term and so the "rules" are repeated over a long period.
If the father threatens to withhold money from mother when the child is a preschooler, only the mother feels threatened. The child is probably too young to know anything. But if the father does that when the child is in Primary school, the child is old enough to understand what the father says.
Again, this is going to be the start of a family breakup. That child may also feel threatened and insecure, unlike the preschooler. She may begin to form negative ideas about her dad and may for the first time, even hate her dad.
NEVER, NEVER use money to threaten. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should money be used as weapon - unless you want a divorce and/or family breakup.
Children see, children do -
Again! Repetition! This was discussed in Part 2. While the preschooler may mimic the parent, the primary school child will see that what the parent does, is an endorsement to what they can do! Please, PLEASE, be careful of what you do, say, or imply what you say!
I have said this before and I will repeat. If parents are pro-gay and show that they are pro-gay, your primary school kid will take that as an endorsement from you - for them to experiment gay lifestyle. You may think that they are still young. Wrong! Chances are that they know about gay and lesbianism more than you think they know.
Other things you need to be aware of is that if you drink, smoke or gamble, chances are that they will see that these vices are acceptable. Likewise, if you do not respect your elders, they will take it that they wont' have to respect others too. And you may be the one whom they won't respect when they grow older!
This ends Part 3. For those who think that parenting is a chore at this stage, you ain't seen nuthin' yet. The real test a parent has to go through is in Part 4 - The Teenage Years. That's when it can really get ugly if you don't get it right. But if you do get it right, the rewards of parenting are well worth all those years.
Related postsRaising a Family (Part 1) - Preparing yourselfRaising a Family (Part 2) - Looking after the preschooler